- My husband and I grew up playing outdoors unsupervised and wanted the same for our kids.
- We've worked with other parents in our neighborhood to create the same environment where we live.
- It's taken trust and communication, but it's good for the kids, and it's also good for the parents.
A common story in our collective memory is that kids used to run around neighborhoods unsupervised, and their moms would call them when it was time to come home. I don't know to what extent this is nostalgic fiction, but I do know that I love it.
My husband and I grew up this way — with an abundance of free outdoor play — and we both value this time and freedom we had in our childhoods. Although we were raised in more rural settings, we are raising our family in a small town, and we're working to create this type of environment for them in our neighborhood.
My husband and I were both raised this way
I grew up on a farm. My childhood consisted of very limited television and lots of time outside. I have so many memories of being outdoors without an agenda except whatever it was that seemed interesting to me at the moment.
Whether it was exploring the shelterbelt (a term for the wooded area surrounding a farm), playing with the dog or the cats, climbing anything I could climb, or just roaming around the yard and the land, I often played freely for hours, alone or with my brother, who was two years younger than me.
My husband grew up similarly, not on an actual farm but on 15 acres tucked away in a wooded suburb of a large city. He had more siblings to play with, but the vibe of his childhood was the same: he was regularly sent outside to play with no adult direction or supervision.
We both experienced the benefits of free outdoor play — namely, increased creativity. We've also seen how the world has shifted since we were kids, where things like screens and scheduled activities have become childhood norms. All of this has made us want the same type of environment we experienced for our own kids. We don't live on a farm or an acreage, but we've been able to create it where we live.
Neighborhood play is important
Six years ago, with a baby and a 2-year-old in tow, we moved into an older neighborhood in a small Midwestern town. At first, we were one of only a few families with young kids, but over time, houses have turned over, and more people have moved in. We've had another baby since, and our girls are now 8, 6, and 2. We currently have over 10 kids on our block alone, not including our three.
As the years have passed, we've developed a good vibe of free neighborhood play among the houses closest to us. The kids regularly knock on each other's doors and run from yard to yard, collecting bugs, making up games, hopping on bikes, and doing whatever else they come up with. From time to time, one of the dads will head up a kickball game or shooting hoops, but for the most part, their time is not adult-directed or really even adult-supervised.
It's wonderful — and not just for the kids. We, as parents, feel the relief of not having to constantly entertain our children. We also feel the camaraderie and support of other parents as we interact via yard chats or texts to make sure someone is keeping tabs on what's going on.
We've built trust, and we welcome imperfection
It took a while to establish trust among each other and a rhythm of letting the kids be outside together without adult presence. These days, it feels like you're considered a bad parent if you're not watching your kid's every move outside or in public. We've developed this trust over the years and I'm sure things will only get better and easier as the kids get older and physical safety is less of a concern.
It isn't perfect, and it does take effort. We've sometimes had conflict among the kids and parental frustration. But this is life. Life well-lived is messy, and both kids and adults alike can use these situations as opportunities to practice social skills like communicating and apologizing. Just the other day, one neighbor set some new yard boundaries for summer. We talk, we work things out, and we carry on. This part, too, is good for all of us.
It sometimes feels like a simple, old-fashioned childhood is endangered in our modern culture. Whenever I find myself calling my kids' names out our deck door, I feel a kinship with the parents of the days gone by. Fictional or not, I imagine they'd be proud.