- Narcissistic collapse happens when a person with narcissistic personality disorder experiences a failure, humiliation, or other blow to their secretly fragile self-esteem.
- Depending on the type of narcissist, collapse may look different and happen more frequently.
- Anyone can experience this collapse, but it leads to debilitating depression for diagnosed narcissists.
People may use "narcissist" to describe a vindictive and self-serving person, but deep down, true narcissists struggle with extremely low self-esteem and shame.
When a narcissist's deep-rooted and often-hidden self-criticisms cause them to reach a breaking point, they experience something called narcissistic collapse, Craig Malkin, a psychologist and author of "Rethinking Narcissism," told Insider.
To someone observing narcissistic collapse, it could feel like "walking on eggshells" with the person who is collapsing, according to Malkin. It could also look like the narcissist being unable to work, picking fights, and abusing substances, Elinor Greenberg, a therapist who teaches other therapists how to diagnose personality disorders like NPD, wrote on Psychology Today.
Since narcissism exists on a spectrum, everyone experiences this type of collapse to an extent, like when they're denied a job offer or date with someone they really fancy, said Malkin. But people who have the most extreme form, narcissistic personality disorder, will experience debilitating anxiety, depression, and potentially suicidality as part of a collapse.
A collapse looks different depending on the type of narcissist, though it will feel the same no matter the type, according to Malkin.
Collapse is more obvious in introverted narcissists
Unlike some media portrayals suggests, not all narcissists assert their self-importance in obvious ways.
When it comes to covert narcissists, for example, they internalize their sense of exceptionality until someone or a certain situation challenges it, Malkin said. For this reason, he calls this type of narcissist "introverted." At a party, an introverted narcissist may sit in the corner alone, stewing about how no one is paying them the attention they believe they deserve.
When this type of narcissist collapses, it feels like you're "walking on eggshells" with them, according to Malkin. They may burst into tears or have a bad attitude they don't try to hide. But instead of explaining why they feel this way, they'll stonewall you, said Malkin.
"There's this feeling of the air being sucked out of the room and that you you're failing if you're not attending at all times to their pain and their suffering," Malkin said.
During a collapse, an introverted narcissist might say you hurt them through a specific action or words, but they won't explain why it hurt them or how to work through it. Doing so would requires true vulnerability, which is a narcissist's greatest fear, Malkin said.
Extroverted narcissists are less likely to collapse because they tend to design their lives around enablers
In grandiose narcissists, people who come off as charming, successful, and well-liked leaders, a collapse is less likely, but just as debilitating, said Malkin.
He refers to grandiose narcissists as "extroverted" narcissists because they externalize their exceptionality through taking charge and winning others over. Extroverted or grandiose narcissists will do anything they can to conceal their negative qualities, or information that could make others dislike them, Insider previously reported.
As a result, they'll take jobs as actors, politicians, or other leadership positions where they'll seldom be questioned or looked down upon, therefore preventing opportunities for collapse, said Malkin.
If they do collapse, however, it could result in anxiety and depression that keeps them from getting out of bed and functioning at a normal level, according to Greenberg. A collapse could also lead to a suicide attempt, she said.