Getty
- Facebook COO and author Sheryl Sandberg said she began living “Option B” when her husband then-SurveyMonkey CEO David Goldberg, died at age 47 in 2015.
- “Option B” is when you’re faced with overwhelming obstacles and are forced to build resilience.
- In 2017, Sandberg founded a nonprofit on grief and mental health under the same name.
- Amid the coronavirus pandemic, everyone is living “Option B,” the executive said.
- Sandberg shared the three-part strategy that helped her cope: addressing psychologist Martin Seligman’s theory of personalization, permanence, and pervasiveness.
- Visit Business Insider’s homepage for more stories.
Facebook Sheryl Sandberg started living what she calls “Option B” in 2015 when her husband, then-SurveyMonkey CEO David Goldberg, died at age 47 of cardiac arrhythmia.
“Option B” is when you’re struggling with seemingly unimaginable hardship and are forced to build resilience, the business leader explains. It’s also the name of the book she co-authored with psychologist Adam Grant on bereavement and grief, and the name of her nonprofit dedicated to raising awareness on those issues.
She had to learn to restart her life. It’s something many people across the country and globe have to do right now during an especially difficult holiday season.
Some 80% of Americans have had to deal with a major life challenge this year like the death of a loved one, losing a job, or experiencing mental health problems, according to a November poll of 2,000 Americans conducted by Option B and Survey Monkey.
In the US alone, about 300,000 people have died from the coronavirus pandemic. A recent Penn State study showed that for every one person who died of COVID-19, nine people were left grieving. That’s 2.7 million Americans in mourning right now.
It's something that's touched Sandberg directly. Sandberg's fiance, Tom Bernthal, CEO and founder of an LA consulting firm, Kelton, lost his first cousin to complications with COVID-19.
"Every single person right now is living in 'Option B.' We have almost 300,000 deaths in this country, so many people are suffering, so many people are sick," she told Business Insider.
To cope with the loss of her husband, Sandberg studied what psychologist Martin Seligman called "the three P's" that hold someone back from recovering from a traumatic event. They are personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence.
She said anyone struggling through a difficult holiday season should take these three steps.
The first step to do is address personalization, or the belief that we are at fault.
Sandberg previously told Business Insider that at first, she blamed herself for her husband's death. She questioned if she missed any signs that he had cardiovascular disease and was "really beating myself up."
"Don't blame yourself," she said. "Obviously there are times when you are responsible for things, but I think we pile on when something goes wrong and make it more difficult for ourselves."
Next, challenge the idea of permanence, that these terrible feelings will last forever.
Permanence is the belief that your current situation will last forever.
"I still miss my husband, but I don't feel the way I felt on week one," Sandberg said.
Remember things will get better, and that there are resources to help, she said.
Lastly, address the idea of pervasiveness, or the idea that a traumatic event will affect all areas of your life.
"I think the most important thing is to recognize and hold on to what is good in our lives," the Facebook COO said.
Gratitude can help us realize we have ways to cope, to move forward, she said. One thing everyone can be grateful for is the people in their lives, Sandberg said. She suggests that this holiday season people reach out to each other more.
Sandberg and her team designed holiday greeting cards with heartfelt messages you can send to loved ones.
"Little things make such a huge difference," she said.