- Peloton instructor Kendall Toole is open about her mental health struggles with depression and OCD.
- She said hiding her feelings made things worse, and being vulnerable about them feels empowering.
- Toole stressed the importance of taking breaks, including from social media, for self-care.
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Kendall Toole is one of Peloton's star instructors.
A former boxer, she's amassed a following of more than half a million people since she joined the wildly popular fitness company team in September 2019, becoming renowned for her mental health advocacy.
Behind the scenes of her public facing image, she's struggled with with obsessive compulsive disorder and depression for years, she told Insider.
One of the most important things she's learned is that being open about those challenges, and logging off social media when she needs a break, is crucial for her health and affects her ability to motivate fans, Toole said.
As as result, she now advocates for transparent, vulnerable conversations about mental health, and social media rest days.
"Knowing that I have this platform, it felt like a responsibility to demystify it," she said. "I want to normalize not having to show up all the time. It's ok to say no."
Previously, Toole felt pressured to downplay her struggles
Diagnosed with OCD at age 11, Toole said she spent years trying to hide her anxiety from other people.
"I felt so much shame about my diagnosis and about needing to be on medication, I lived with this perfect mask on all the time," she said.
Toole was reluctant to tell anyone or ask for help because she didn't want to be seen as a burden. That led people to believe that she was happy and successful, even when she was grappling with suicidal thoughts.
"I perpetuated the idea that I had everything going for me. In many ways I did, but underneath the surface of that there was always a storm," she said.
Being honest and stepping back can be empowering, Toole said
After joining Peloton, and especially since the pandemic began, Toole said she's learned the power of being vulnerable and open about her limits.
It's not only been helpful for her, but also part of why her message resonates with fans. In her "Chats on the Green" series on IGTV, Toole talks directly to fans about how she's feeling, and invites them to do the same. Her videos on mental health have been viewed over 100,000 times on the app.
"Sharing my story publicly, it helps people to re-examine things or get fresh perspective," she said.
She shares not only her successes, but also when she's going through a difficult time, and feeling self-doubt, anxiety, or burnout.
"I'm really learning to do it with less guilt because I know that there's an example I'm asked to set and it's holding me accountable," Toole said. "It's actually more powerful when I share I don't have perfect days all the time."
Social media can fuel anxiety and isolation
Being a social media star and delivering motivation and inspiration is part of Toole's job. But she said her self-care involves getting offline when the internet starts to feel overwhelming.
"So much of our lives we just want to know we're not alone. And the world we live in with social media, as much as it can be a connector, it can feel very isolating because of lack of context and lack of human empathy and vulnerability," she said.
Instead, Toole takes a break to do other activities she enjoys, like listening to podcasts or watching documentaries. As a result, she's able to be more present as well as set a good example for fans.
"If I can't show up on a certain day, I won't pressure myself to be on social media. I'll take that quiet time when I need to," she said.