- My wife and I were looking forward to being empty nesters.
- Our son has moved back home three times since graduating from high school.
- It helped him be able to finish college debt free and start his future.
When I first became a parent, I could never imagine not having kids in the house. By the time our son was a teenager, regardless of how much I loved him, I was kind of looking forward to having an empty nest.
It wasn't that we were pushing our son out; we knew that he had career and life goals. But it would just be nice to find something left in the house to eat.
Our empty nest only lasted a few years; our son came back to live with us multiple times throughout his life.
He is part of the 'boomerang children'
There has been a lot of media coverage about the spike in young adults not leaving the nest. An estimated 57% of young adults aged 18 to 24 live in their parents' homes, but that is only up from 53% in 1993.
The term "boomerang children" has been used to describe adult children who come back to live with their parents for financial reasons. In our case, it wasn't that he had to come back; we offered.
After high school, my son was all set to attend Cal State Fullerton. He was working a summer job, waiting for school to start, and then, one day, he surprised us. I noticed a bag on his desk that said "Army" on it; having served in the military, I knew exactly what it was. He soon announced that he'd decided to put off school for a few years. He'd talked about the military as a teen, but he'd not mentioned it in years, so the announcement came as something of a surprise. When the day came for him to report for basic training, there were tearful goodbyes, and then he was off. The house felt empty.
He came back to live with us 3 times
It was a strange sensation not having kids in the house — just me and my wife — for the first time in 18 years. But it only lasted a few years. While stationed in Texas, Jason earned an Army ROTC scholarship, and he chose Cal Poly Pomona, a school just 25 minutes from our home in Yorba Linda, California.
My wife and I drove to Texas to attend a ceremony for his transition to the Reserves and to see him receive the Army Medal of Merit. Then we brought him and his 2,000 pounds of stuff home.
Once home, his stuff exploded all over the house. This was familiar. It felt good to have him home. We didn't charge him rent, and he was able to save his housing allowance from his scholarship money to put toward buying a home one day. He paid for all of his own expenses except food, which we provided. Once again, my fridge was empty in the morning, but at least he'd learned to wash the leftover containers.
Though he came and went of his own accord, he helped out with all the chores around the house and even did some of the cooking. During his junior year, he introduced us to his girlfriend, who then became his fiance. A few months before the wedding, she moved in. Now, the house was even fuller, but still, it felt right. We even double-dated with them and spent a day at Disneyland. We bonded with her.
After four years of college he was off again, back to Active duty, this time in Georgia. When his active duty time was done he and his new bride bought a house in Vancouver, Washington. But there was a problem as the former owner hadn't vacated by the time he got his discharge orders. They had to leave Georgia, and they needed a place to stay for a few months. So once again, my son and his wife were moving back in, only this time with a surprise: they were expecting a baby.
My wife and I hastily repainted my son's room and bought a new bed and mattress before they arrived to keep mommy-to-be comfortable. Two months later, with the baby just a month from being born, the kids were off to their new home. The nest was empty once again.
Our adult son lived with us three times after high school. There are critics of boomerang or adult children living at home. Some complain that young adults will not be able to develop a sense of independence and that they'll just keep coming home. I disagree.
The support my son received allowed him to graduate from college debt-free and save up money to buy his first home. He now has a good-paying job in construction management, is a husband and father, and owns a house and two cars. In my mind, just because the nest is empty doesn't mean they can't come home.
