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- My frugal parents were ultra-cautious about spending money on my sister and me as children.
- My husband's parents felt differently and freely gave to their sons — albeit within reason.
- It's caused tension in our marriage because my spouse and I clash over our expenditure on our kids.
My 16-year-old knows better than to come to me when she wants something expensive.
It goes back to when I refused to buy a $160 pair of Ugg mini boots because the suede was impractical for mud and rain.
Or maybe it was when she used my debit card to purchase Dunkin' Donuts for a snack and had Uber Eats deliver them to her high school.
My tendency to say "no" stems from sticker shock and the sound of my parents' objections inside my head. "Why on earth would I pay for that?" I hear my dad saying. "You'd better be kidding," my mom inevitably chimed in.
Born in 1930 and 1936, they belong to the so-called "silent generation," who lived through World War II and rationing in the UK. Their motto has always been "make do and mend."
As a result, my sister and I wore hand-me-downs. We never had brand-name clothing or footwear. Mom once agreed to buy me a marked-down pair of shoes popular with the "in-crowd" in sixth grade. But I was ridiculed because they were a weird color and half a size too big.
My husband and I laugh about the different ways we were raised
That's not to say I had a poor or unhappy childhood. My parents indulged us in other ways, investing in "experiences" like adventurous camping trips abroad that I'll remember for the rest of my life.
However, now that I'm married with kids, mocking my frugal upbringing has become a bit of a family joke. My spouse teases me because my idea of luxury as a child was sleeping under a cotton duvet, not nylon sheets and itchy blankets.
I'll counter with claims that he was born with a "sugar spoon" in his mouth. "You weren't spoiled, but you had skis," I'll laugh. He attended private school and routinely flew to Europe on vacation. His parents took him and his three brothers to fancy restaurants.
We'll banter about our different upbringings, but it sometimes falls flat. We constantly clash over how much we spend on the kids.
Birthdays and Christmas presents are particularly problematic. Left to his own devices, my husband could easily spend between $500 and $700 on each child.
We recently argued over the $180 price of the latest "must-have" sneakers. I'd reluctantly agreed to buy them less than a year ago, but they needed replacing. "Can't we get something cheaper?" I said.
It's difficult to strike the right balance with expenses
I've become the bad cop by insisting our kids pay a percentage of their allowance toward items like iPhones and video games. The jury is out on whether we'll hire a college admissions counselor at $100 an hour. "Surely it's something we can do ourselves?" I suggested.
It's hard to balance the ledger. My husband once told me that teaching generosity starts at home. A friend said his penny-pinching parents made him think he didn't deserve "nice things," which broke my heart.
In an ideal world, kids wouldn't bully each other for not wearing the "right" label. But it's natural for parents to want to protect their child from standing out from the crowd.
As for my children, I'm proud that my daughter has found a part-time job to help fund her obsession with skincare. My son is doing chores around the house because he wants a hideous animatronic for Halloween. I'm learning to compromise with my husband on expenditure.
Still, I've told him to hide the price tags of big-ticket items he orders for the kids. I could do without the trigger.
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