- When my son was in the NICU, I remember wanting to have "normal days".
- When the pandemic started, and we were faced with so much uncertainty, that feeling came back.
- Now, our family has new traditions and routines that have helped us have some sense of normality.
When my son was in the newborn intensive-care unit fighting for his life, I remember craving a "normal day." The same happened when my sister was in the ICU with brain tumors.
During the most stressful periods of my life, it really hit me how significant our everyday routines could be. And I started to cherish the most mundane of times.
I felt a twinge of that "longing for normality" as the pandemic brought on a year of uncertainty and change. My kids went from in-person school to online, back to in person, back to online, then hybrid, and then in person. Talk about jarring.
The numbers in our school and community skyrocketed and then started coming down, and we're just waiting to see what happens next as the holidays approach.
Living through these periods of uncertainty, I've found that routines give us a sense of comfort. Even those smallest or silliest of traditions offer us something we can count on and even look forward to.
I came up with traditions for our mental health
I started a tradition early on when we were still counting the weeks of the pandemic and school was supposed to be closed for only a month. Every Sunday night, I'd get out the fancy wine glasses, and we'd have a fizzy-apple-cider toast for making it through another week and to welcome the one ahead.
We didn't know when we'd get to take a vacation again or even be able to see our extended family. But you could be sure I'd have those fancy glasses set out with Sunday dinner.
We still do this, though I stopped counting the weeks long ago.
Another habit I started was taking an afternoon walk after lunch with my husband, who is still working from home. We now do this rain or shine or bundled against the cold, and I've even caught myself shuffling my schedule to make it happen.
During periods of lockdown or quarantine, I found we needed routine the most. That's when I started handing out little slips of paper every night at the dinner table. We'd each write down one thing we wanted to do when we were "free" again. Then, we'd fold them up and seal them in a mason jar.
This summer, once we were all fully vaccinated and things were mostly open again, I started going through those slips of paper. We even managed to complete a few items on our wish list before things turned again. One of my kids put down fast food on every single one of his slips of paper - that one was at least easy to complete.
These weren't earth-shattering changes to our daily lives. Just familiar, habitual activities, like watching one episode of "Lost" every night as a family - with popcorn, of course.
And while I intuitively knew these motions felt comforting and gave our days a certain rhythm, there was a lot of evidence to back up this strategy. Studies have found family routines can make you more resilient during times of crisis and everyone can benefit, not just kids.
Family routines can also help children's social skills and academic success. They can even promote health and wellness.
It turns out that when the world around us is filled with stress, sadness, and uncertainty, sometimes all it takes is one or two bits of consistency to help me feel more in control and at ease.
I will lift my fancy glass of sparkling cider to that.