- My ex and I still travel together. Our traveling styles match and we don't mind each other's quirks.
- We recently spent four days in Montana and have been to wine country in Washington state.
- Though we wanted different things, I still enjoy his company and don't see that changing.
Long candlelit dinners over inky glasses of cabernet, horseback riding in the backcountry, and late-morning laughs over lattes at cute sidewalk cafés. It was the perfect romantic weekend getaway. The only problem? I wasn't with a boyfriend. I was with my ex, Jim.
That's right — though Jim and I no longer have a romantic relationship, we make excellent travel buddies. Last month, we spent four days and three nights in beautiful Bozeman, Montana, including 12 hours in the car (he drove, I DJ 'd). During our trip, we channeled our inner "Yellowstone" alter egos by drinking a lot of whiskey and cursing. But I digress.
Traveling with my ex can be funny
Ahead of the trip, my mom asked if we were getting back together. My reply might have sounded less than convincing. It was something like: "No, Jim and I are not getting back together! We're just going on a romantic weekend trip where we will have deep and meaningful conversations into the early-morning hours, share a room, and wear matching outfits to fancy dinners. Geez, what could you possibly make you think we're back together!" OK, it might not have been exactly that, but you get the point.
For the record, we share a room with separate beds when we travel together. However, about a year ago (shortly after we broke up), we both wanted to go to Spring Release Weekend in Walla Walla wine country. We could only find a suite with a single queen bed.
It turned out to be a good thing, because around 2 a.m., Jim passed out on the way back from the bathroom and hit his face on the nightstand. It turns out allergy medications and wine tasting don't mix particularly well! I spent the rest of the night lying next to him, making sure he was still breathing, since he refused to go to the emergency room. But the next morning, I convinced him to go, and when the doctor asked, "Have you taken any erectile-dysfunction drugs like Viagra?," I tried really hard not to laugh. Just one of the joys of traveling with an ex!
Again, I digress.
Despite breaking up, we're still together
At the time, I felt mildly irritated and confused by my mom's question. In hindsight — and after getting a similar reaction from nearly everyone, including a guy I went on a first date with right before the trip — I realize my ex and I have a funny way of breaking up. That is, we're actually always still together.
We both still enjoy doing many things we did during our seven years as a couple, and I don't see why we shouldn't continue to do so. Neither of us is in a new relationship, and I don't know how it would work if that changed. It also just occurred to me that maybe this is part of the reason we aren't in relationships in the first place — a great topic to bring up next time I see my therapist!
I feel lucky that Jim and I have remained such great friends. I've never been in a situation where a past boyfriend and I were able to do that. The only way I'd travel with most of my exes is if they were tied up in the trunk of my car. (And believe me, they'd probably also prefer it that way.)
Think about it: It can be challenging to find other people who vacation in a similar way to you; in fact, traveling with other people can often make it feel less like a vacation and more like work. Finding people, romantic or otherwise, that you don't want to ditch after 24 hours of trading the same stories you've heard a million times can be a real feat. I'm a raging Dr. Phil fan, but by day two, if he were still making his cute little Southern quips, I'd be fixin' to deliver him a proper ass-whoopin'.
Yet again, I digress.
Sharing the same travel style makes it easy
Jim and I enjoy traveling together because we know what to expect from one another. We have the same traveling style, and we don't mind each other's quirks. For instance, he knows I will not be ready on time because it is a tradition that I pack at the last minute and panic before all trips; I know that he will insist on stopping at least once to Windex the windshield — usually more.
While road-tripping, neither of us monopolizes the stereo, and we alternate between singing along to country music and listening to political podcasts. Coffee is a priority for both of us, as is blasting the air conditioning (we both run hot). Neither of us is bothered by making stops — a massive point of contention for many travel partners.
Jim and I also enjoy the same types of accommodations (fancy) and tourist activities (none, unless you count dining out). Our trips revolve around two things — eating and drinking. Period. Occasionally, I will shop, in which case I will send him to the nearest bar. Our approach to travel is laid-back, unscheduled, and punctuated by people-watching.
Now you tell me, why would I give up a travel buddy like that just because we aren't sleeping together?
Despite our differences, we still enjoy aspects of our relationship
I won't speak for Jim, but I don't think we worked out as boyfriend and girlfriend because we wanted different things. But that doesn't mean we don't still enjoy each other's company. I still appreciate all the things that attracted me to him in the first place, like his sense of humor, sincerity, and the fact that even in hotels, he makes his own bed every morning.
You know how they say, "Don't throw that baby out with the bathwater"? That's how I look at my relationship with Jim. It didn't work out for us as romantic partners, but that's no reason to stop enjoying the parts of our relationship that did work well, and one of those has always been traveling.