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- Sending nudes is a natural part of sexual expression and is particularly important for couples separated during coronavirus lockdowns.
- However, problems arise if these photos are not secure.
- Sex therapist Mia Sabat explains the biggest mistakes people make when sending intimate photos and its impact on your mental health.
- Visit Insider’s homepage for more stories.
Coronavirus restrictions and lockdowns mean that some couples worldwide who live separately are having to spend months apart. Being away from your partner for long periods of time is upsetting. It can even strain the relationship, so couples have had to be creative in keeping their connection strong – Zoom dates and sexting, for example.
According to sex therapist Mia Sabat, who works at Emjoy, the sexual wellbeing audio app for women, exchanging sexual messages and photos is a natural and normal form of sexual expression. But problems arise when photos or videos are shared without consent, known as sexspreading.
“Sexspreading occurs when the recipient of the image or video does not respect the sender’s privacy and boundaries,” Sabat told Insider. “I’d advise against sending images or videos to a partner that you do not know well, or that is pressuring you to send explicit content, perhaps as proof of your love for them, or your commitment to them.”
Read more: How to sext as safely as possible, according to experts
She said it’s vital that you trust the person receiving your images, but even then, they may end up in the wrong hands.
"Keep in mind that the device you are using, or that you are sending the content to, may be stolen or lost and, if the images were stored on the device, you lose control over who might have access to your content," she said.
It's important to have a conversation about boundaries before exchanging nude photos
Sabat said the biggest mistake with sending nudes is not having a conversation beforehand. Clear boundaries should be set about how the recipient will use the image once it is on their phone.
For example, you may want to ask your partner to delete the pictures after a certain amount of time or tell them they cannot show anyone else.
"Sexting is fun and exciting and it is a great activity that technology has given us, but as with any other sexual activity, there must be communication, consent, and respect," said Sabat.
"Ensure that you take steps to protect your images and yourself and know that you can always say no to sending photos, even if you have sent them previously. Never feel pressured to do anything that you don't want to do."
Arman Zhenikeyev / Getty Images
The impact on someone's mental health if they find out their trust has been broken and their intimate photos have been shared can be severe, regardless of the recipient's intent. Some people are not aware that showing someone's nudes around is doing anything wrong. Others deliberately do it to cause harm, which is called revenge porn.
Sabat said the person whose images are compromised will feel betrayed, angry, hurt, embarrassed, and scared. It may even trigger depression, anxiety, and a breakdown in the relationship altogether.
Whether sexspreading or revenge porn, the wrongful sharing of nudes is taken seriously, you have rights if a nude photo of you ends up online without your permission. The Cyber Civil Rights Initiative website, for instance, has advice on getting the images taken down and has legal experts on hand to help.
"It is also incredibly important to remember that there is no shame in sharing nudes and that if they do get into the wrong hands, you are entitled to seek support," said Sabat. "Do not stay silent, and do not be afraid to ask for help; talk to loved ones, and, if you feel it would help, pursue professional mental health support."
There are actions you can take to make your photos more secure
There are some things you can do to make your intimate photos more secure.
Sabat recommends turning off location services so the photo cannot be traced back to your IP address and using an app such as Snapchat, so the pictures disappear once viewed. You receive a notification if a screenshot is taken.
"It's also important to be aware that if you're linked to external accounts like the Cloud, every picture you take will automatically upload to your iCloud account," she said. "Protect yourself by manually turning off these automatic uploads so that your personal accounts and images are protected. This way, if any of your accounts linked to iCloud are hacked, your nudes are safe."
You can also crop your face out and keep the focus on your body, so they are not as easy to identify.
"By keeping the focus on your body, you can turn up the heat while maintaining anonymity and peace of mind," said Sabat. "If you have tattoos, distinctive birthmarks, scars, or other physical markers that could easily identify you, it's harder to protect your identity - but not impossible. Suggestively drape the fabric of a scarf or sheets, or use lingerie or even sex toys to cover specific marks you'd prefer were shielded or obscured."
Ask yourself a few questions to make sure you're comfortable with sharing nudes
Ultimately, there is always a risk with sending nudes. Sabat said you should ask yourself the following questions if you are considering sending explicit images to a partner:
- Are you doing it of your own free will and without pressure?
- Do you trust the person and believe they have your best interests at heart?
- Do your security settings on your device protect you?
- Does the platform notify you if screenshots are taken?
- Does the image give away your identity or location, and if so, are you comfortable with that?
"If you're not sure about your answers to these questions, it's best that you don't share any images at this time," Sabat said. "But if your answers are all yes, by all means, proceed."
There is always a possibility the pictures will be viewed by someone they weren't intended for, and you can only make this judgment.
"You are the only person that can determine your comfort levels," said Sabat. "Set boundaries, both with yourself and with the person you are sharing nudes with, and make sure that these boundaries make you feel excited, empowered, and comfortable."