- Since I was little I've dreamt of finding someone and getting married.
- Since I started dating at 17, I've been in three serious long distance relationships.
- I'm currently waiting for him to finish his Ph.D. and move with me.
From a young age, I always thought I'd have a fairytale type of relationship. I'd meet the guy, we'd marry, live together, and have a few kids. Never in that fairytale was I apart from my partner. Yet my reality has been anything but what I had dreamed of as a young girl.
Since I started dating at 17, I've been in three long-lasting relationships, all of which have been long-distance. They all happened during different stages of my life, and the lessons I have learned from them are varied.
My first relationship was when I was 17
My first boyfriend was only 30 minutes away, but at 17, that sometimes felt like halfway across the country. I was in my senior year of high school and taking college courses, so I could only see him on the weekends.
My parents were relieved when it ended and were happy I was transferring from the university I started at in Jersey City to one in New York City to be even farther from him. They thought our relationship was toxic, and looking back, I'm glad we never lived closer to each other because maybe if we had, I wouldn't have had the courage to leave.
My next relationship lasted 7 years, and multiple cities
I met my second boyfriend during my sophomore year of college in a new city where everything was fresh and exciting. We spent a lot of that first year getting to know each other and decided to move in together the following year despite it not being an acceptable thing to do based on my Peruvian culture and upbringing. That second year, we lived through some of the best and worst moments together: obtaining a dream internship, getting jobs, and losing a parent.
We knew our living together was a temporary reality because I had planned a semester abroad in Paris. Knowing didn't make it any easier as I packed up my things at the end of the year.
Distance after living together was much more challenging than I expected it to be. It didn't help that during that time, he ended up having to leave New York and return to his hometown.
Upon my return, I still had two years of college, and because he wasn't in the city anymore, I would see him most weekends. The majority of my time was split between the city and his hometown, and I knew deep in my heart that I would not move to where he was living.
The biggest obstacle we faced from the moment we met to the moment we decided it wouldn't work was my love for travel. Aside from not wanting to live in a small town again, I knew I would feel trapped if I moved to his hometown where I barely knew anyone and with no large airport nearby.
This led to the end of our relationship after seven years together. Looking back, I know I made the right choice. He had promised we'd travel together, but from what I know, he hasn't left the country again since we broke up.
I went on a couple of dates with people in my city, but nothing was serious
At this point, it had been about nine years of long-distance dating, and I needed some time to know what I needed fully and wanted before looking for something new.
I moved to Barcelona, and for the first time, I dated people who lived in the same city as me. Some I only met once, and others I went on multiple dates with, but none of them felt fully right.
That was until I met my third boyfriend while traveling in Morocco. When we met, I didn't think it would ever turn into anything as he was doing a Ph.D. in Hungary, and I was finishing my master's in Spain.
But we clicked and kept in contact.
From there, we started flying back and forth to see each other, sometimes meeting in a new country to explore together. I even moved to Budapest temporarily while I waited for my visa for Portugal to be approved. He plans to move to Portugal after finishing his Ph.D. next year.
This relationship sounds and feels like the one I wanted as a little girl, but it isn't following the usual order I thought it should.
My past relationships and this one have taught me that life does not go according to any plan we may have in mind. I need to be willing to go with the flow and know that I can get what I originally wanted, but probably in an unexpected way.