- Sadie Kemp, 34, developed sepsis in December and has been in the hospital for months.
- The hardest part is being away from her sons, who are 17 and 2.
- This is her story, as told to Kelly Burch.
Every day I count down to the evenings. That's when my doctors let me out of the hospital for a few hours so I can go to my parents' house and visit my sons, who are 17 and 2.
I've been in the hospital since the day after Christmas, when I nearly died of sepsis. All of my fingers have been amputated, and my legs will be later this year. Those evenings with my family are a bright spot that keeps my mental and emotional health up during the toughest year of my life.
Last weekend was Mother's Day in the UK, where I live. I got to spend an entire night out of the hospital, with my parents and children. It was amazing, but I was so sad when I needed to return to the hospital.
A life-changing infection
This journey started on Christmas Day. I had pain in my abdomen, which I later learned was caused by a kidney infection. Like many moms, I brushed the pain aside. Even when it was excruciating, I didn't get help. Doctors say that by the time I got to the hospital, I was an hour away from dying, from my kids not having their mother.
I was put in a coma for 11 days. When I woke up, I realized my whole life had changed. Because of the sepsis, doctors needed to amputate all 10 of my fingers. My hands were sown into my abdomen while they recovered from skin grafts. My right hand is still inside my abdomen, and my left hand is nearly unrecognizable. My fingers are gone, and what is left looks like a mitten — or a shark.
Bedside humor takes off
I've relied heavily on humor to get through this experience. Sometimes it's gallows humor. I like a good joke, telling my doctors I'll "cross my fingers" or asking a friend to give me a "high-five." Those are little everyday sayings that I'll never think about the same.
One of my friends took a video when I first had to wash my wounded hand. As I moved toward the water, I hummed the "Jaws" theme song, making light of the moment. My friend posted it on TikTok, where it now has more than 129 million views.
When that happened, I wasn't even on TikTok, but I realized that social media could help me bring awareness to sepsis. Now I share my journey online.
An uncertain future
There's a lot of uncertainty ahead of me. In early April, doctors will take my right hand out of my abdomen, which is major surgery. After that, I'll get to leave the hospital while I wait for a date to have my leg amputated. Although I can walk now, the tissue in my leg is dead.
I'm OK with the idea of losing my leg. But hands — they do everything. My hands comfort my children and cook them dinner. Prosthetics cost more than 35,000 pounds each, or about $46,000. Although I'm crowdfunding, I have no idea when or whether I'll be able to afford that.
I'm facing years of recovery, but what I look forward to most is just the mundane moment of being a mother: cooking for my kids, watching a football game, or bringing my toddler to the park.