- Zach Hefferen, 41, his three young kids, and his wife moved to Maine from NYC in March 2020.
- Hefferen decided in this new lifestyle to quit his job to be home with his kids full time.
- He said he's at peace. Here's Hefferen's story, as told to writer Fortesa Latifi.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Zach Hefferen, a 41-year-old stay-at-home dad from New York who now lives in Maine. It has been edited for length and clarity. The source of this story is married to an Insider employee (who did not work on this story).
This story is part of "How the Pandemic Changed My Career," an Insider series documenting the moves and moments that shaped people's careers over the last two years.
A few weeks before COVID-19 lockdowns rippled across New York City, my wife gave birth to our twin daughters.
Along with our 2-year-old son, we were now a family of five. And we were about to figure out how to be that family in the middle of a pandemic.
When the twins were only 2 weeks old, it became clear that we couldn't make it work in the city
There were mobile morgues on the streets outside our Brooklyn apartment, and the sounds of sirens just never stopped. With three children stuck in a confined space, things started to feel unhealthy quickly.
Luckily we had a house to go to in Maine where we knew we could be safe and have a little bit more space for our family. We packed up the kids and the dogs and drove to Maine in March 2020.
Back then, there was no end in sight for COVID-19, and being in New York and going into my normal office job I'd held for 16 years just wasn't an option
I was on a six-week paternity leave for the twins when we left, and as we settled into our life in Maine, it became clear that it would be fulfilling to stay with my family rather than jump back into the work hustle.
Since my wife was able to work remotely full time, it made sense that she would continue working and I would take over family duties.
I'd worked hard for the place I was in in my career
I started at the company in the warehouse and worked my way into a high-leverage (and high-stress) role. And I enjoyed it. I had a lot of friends at work, and I found the job intellectually stimulating and rewarding.
But when I took my second paternity leave for our twins, I started to think maybe there was a different way for our family to function.
Now I'm a stay-at-home dad for three little ones
I'm also a full-time caregiver to my elderly father, who has dementia and moved into our house. So I'm very busy.
It's been wonderful, although I'm certainly not averse to the stresses all other parents and caregivers are experiencing. Parental burnout is no joke, and I do have those days when things feel impossible.
But what's really helped is understanding the gravity of this moment in my life
I can always go back to work, but I'll never have this opportunity — to take care of my young children and my father — again.
My kids will grow up and need me less. They'll be in school for the rest of their childhood and adolescence. I can go back to my office job later, but I can never go back and do this job again.
That's made it easy to keep being a stay-at-home dad. Having that perspective allows me to feel joy even when it's hard. I feel so privileged to be able to take care of my family like this.
If you would have told me five years ago that I would be a stay-at-home dad and son in Maine taking care of three little kids and my father, I wouldn't have believed you.
I never thought this was the direction my life would go in
Without the pandemic, I'm not sure it would have.
I felt the urge to spend more time with my family when my son was young, but when my twin daughters were born, that desire got even stronger.
From a mental perspective, the removal of work stress has been really helpful
I'm much more at peace. The removal of that day-to-day hustle and all that high-paced action from my life has been a break.
In corporate life, the stress was never-ending. In my life as a stay-at-home parent, the stresses are brief and intense but usually followed by moments of laughs and joy. To be able to see my efforts rewarded with the visible development and growing love of my children is indescribable.
Not that my job now isn't difficult — it is — but it's different. Maybe one day I'll want to get back to that rise-and-grind kind of lifestyle, but I think 16 straight years was enough for now. It feels healthy to have a break.
If you're thinking about making a change in your career, whether that's switching career paths or taking a break to focus on your family, I think it's worth really considering
Even if it's not how you thought your life would be, it can be fulfilling.
Every step of this journey has been a blessing, even when it led me somewhere I wasn't expecting.