- I created my own version of therapy by reading Instagram therapists' posts for 45 minutes.
- I am one of thousands of people that experienced unmet mental health needs during the pandemic, according to the CDC.
- Although Instagram therapists had empowering posts, it's not a replacement for therapy.
- Visit Insider's homepage for more stories.
The end of January was a swirl of events: I started a new job, moved to a new neighborhood, went through a breakup, and a woman who was like a Grandmother to me passed away – all in one week.
The adrenaline from unpacking boxes in my new place or writing stories every day as a journalist kept me busy and distracted, but the constant snowfall and moments of stillness made me realize I needed a therapist to help me process through so much transition. So I began the arduous task of finding one.
The fruitless search for an affordable therapist
As someone who's had anxiety since high school, I've bounced between a few therapists, so I knew finding one wasn't a simple task to check off my to-do list – but the search this time around felt heavy.
On my day off, I dutifully googled how to find a therapist. Out of pocket therapy sessions were too expensive for me, as were popular therapy apps like Talkspace and Betterhelp, so I needed support that accepted my insurance.
I found a list of therapists on my insurance's website that were accepting new clients. I called ten therapists, and after a series of conversations and voicemails, I found out none of them were accepting new clients. The website's therapy list was outdated.
I tried another approach and entered my information and preferences into two websites that match clients and therapists but was later told that my insurance wasn't accepted.
The day ended in frustration and no therapist to show for my efforts.
I am one of thousands of people who experienced unmet mental health needs during the pandemic, according to the CDC
In the midst of my despair, I wondered how many people out there were just like me - toiling away to find support while grappling with mental health issues.
A Center for Disease Control and Prevention survey, published on March 26, found that there was a rise in people who reported unmet mental health care needs during lockdown.
Even before the pandemic, a 2016 Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration survey found that 11.8 million Americans reported they were unable to find resources for mental health issues.
The endemic of unmet mental health needs may be due to insurance bias and racism.
A study, published in February 2014, found that psychiatrists were less likely to accept all types of insurance compared to other specialists, thereby creating an access barrier to mental health care. Another study, published in June 2016, found that psychotherapists were more likely to give therapy to middle-class white people than to middle-class Black people.
"People should be able to get help when they need it," Pamela Rutledge, a psychologist, and director of the Media Psychology Research Center told Insider.
I turned to Instagram for therapy
A few weeks after my initial therapy search, two friends recommended their therapists. In a third attempt, I emailed my friend-approved therapists to see if they took my insurance. They did not.
Feeling defeated and mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, I read a pithy quote about setting boundaries from an Instagram therapist. This moment of pause inspired me to create my own monthlong Instagram therapy experience until I found a therapist (whenever that will be).
For my experiment, I wanted to mimic real therapy, so I chose a licensed therapist each week, carved out 45 minutes for each session, and read through their posts. I googled Instagram therapists and chose experts with thousands or hundreds of thousands of followers.
I went in with an open mind and took notes about posts that resonated with me.
I first explored Nedra Glover Tawwab 's page - she specializes in healthy relationships and has nearly a million followers.
During the session, I read posts about setting boundaries with family, the things you learn when you stop being a people pleaser, and how to break unhealthy patterns, which were all topics that resonated with me.
When I started my new job, I wanted to devote undivided attention to each task, having gleaned wisdom from productivity books that discourage checking your phone while working because it makes it harder to focus.
I told my family I would not be available to speak during work hours. My sister was understanding, but my mom called my boundaries stupid. Despite the mixed reactions, when I talk to family after work, I'm more present.
Sara Kuburic, an expert in identity, relationship, and moral trauma, has over 800,000 followers.
Kuburic's posts talked about relationships and making space for new people to come into our lives. This session helped me process my breakup.
Even though I loved my ex-boyfriend and appreciated his friendliness in a world where men try to be too cool, I was conflating wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to be with him.
Her posts made me realize there's room to love someone and also not want to be with them.
Lisa Oliver specializes in marriage and family and has over 450,000 followers.
I, like many other people, constantly feel like I'm not making enough progress - professionally or personally. I fall into the trap of comparing myself to others and use other friends' accomplishments as comparison traps.
Olivera had posts reminding people to recognize all of their efforts with reminders that growth can sometimes be imperceptible.
The Journey to wellness account specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy and has over 300,000 followers.
This page had cute illustrations with a focus on cognitive-behavioral therapy.
Although the other therapists' posts were thought-provoking, I found this account to be the most helpful because most posts offered tools I can use when I feel anxious or inundated by negative thoughts about myself.
Why it didn't work
Throughout each session, I would get texts, feel the urge to send posts to others, and my attention faded halfway through.
As my experiment continued, it took a lot of willpower to linger on posts that resonated. Rather than stay on one topic as I would with a therapist, I kept scrolling through other posts.
In one session, I logged onto Instagram, saw someone thriving in a post, and felt that familiar sting of comparison. I found it ironic that I was going to therapy in the same place that makes me want to see a therapist. And although I thought all posts were important, some applied to me more than others.
Rutledge said although seeing a therapist's general posts about gratitude or keeping a journal can help you feel better, the varying posts do not address your specific needs. "You're getting scattershot," she said.
What I learned from my Instagram therapy experiment
Although I think it was better to have gone through these makeshift sessions than not doing anything at all, I was craving face time with a therapist and the opportunity to dig deeper into one topic for 45 minutes.
There is no replacement for a one-on-one session, which I think is more meaningful.
Rutledge agreed.
"The advantage of a real person is they get to know you. They know about your family history, they start understanding your frame of reference," Rutledge said.
Therapists also keep you accountable, which isn't possible in one-sided Instagram therapy, according to Rutledge.
But if you're in therapy limbo like me, Rutledge suggested reading a self-help book specific to your needs or reaching out to your favorite Instagram therapist for a referral.
For now, I'll keep looking for a therapist, and I know that even if I find one, we might not get along. I probably won't create another 45-minute therapy session, but seeing a post on my feed here and there will be helpful.