- I moved to Europe two years ago and have amassed quite a collection of dating stories.
- I've also learned a lot about relationships, dating, and what I want.
- It's important to communicate what you want and to say "yes" to adventure.
Some people collect souvenirs while traveling. I collect dating stories. And in the past two-plus years of living in Europe, I've collected many.
There was the South African guy I fell madly in love with during a whirlwind weekend romance in Warsaw — only to be ghosted on Monday morning when he returned to London. There was the Russian guy who, at the end of our first date, asked me to do a full photo shoot of him to show his Instagram fans he "lives a good life."
Then there was the Belgian guy who looked nothing like his photos once we met after a month of exchanging WhatsApp messages, and the Austrian guy whom I dated for a month and who made me a PowerPoint presentation about why we should still be together six months after we broke up. The list goes on — as does my search for love.
And while the stories are fun to tell over FaceTime with my friends back in the States or over cocktails in Vienna, where I've settled, my collection of overseas dating stories has also taught me many valuable lessons.
Dating is the best way to see a new city
Forget walking tours; when I first moved to Europe in 2021, it was actually Bumble that helped me explore new cities. I learned quickly that dating a local was the best way to discover the best parts of a town and find its little hidden gems. Now that I live in Vienna, nearly all of my go-to spots are places I was taken for a date when I first arrived.
Let go of outcomes, and embrace spontaneity
I remember waking up one morning to a voice note from a guy I'd been seeing who was eager to get away over the summer. Given that we'd had fun on our first two dates, he wanted to know whether I'd be up for going on a weekend vacation with him. "Why the hell not?" I thought.
While we didn't end up together in the end, we did wind up in Turkey for the weekend, and I got to experience the joy of exploring a new city and getting to know somebody over kebabs and hammams. Embracing spontaneity and experiences over outcomes has proved time and again to be the way to go.
You can be independent and enjoy chivalry from time to time
Chivalry feels ingrained in European men. (OK, most of them.) For one, on nearly every date, if the road were to the right of us, my date would always insist on walking on my right to block me from traffic. One guy I'd been seeing in Warsaw even surprised me at the train station when I was leaving; he wanted to see me off properly and help me load my luggage on the train and showed up just in time to do so.
While I consider myself fiercely independent and fully capable of opening my own doors and carrying my own bags, I can't help smiling at these gestures and daydreaming about raising a son who also values chivalry.
Sometimes the best dates can turn into best friends
My most successful date in Europe ended in friendship. Back in October 2021, I was sitting on a bench, unsure of what to do on my last day in Vienna, when I saw a sign on a bike saying, "Coffee this way!" I had already had three cups that day, but I followed the sign anyway. I instantly spotted the handsome barista once inside, and since it was my last night in Austria I boldly decided to ask him out to dinner.
We realized on the date that we weren't a fit romantically, but he's still one of my closest friends. And this is not the only time this has happened — a guy I dated in Poland also turned into a dear friend, and I've even gone to stay with him in Brussels to celebrate his getting a new job.
Don't be a baby about saying you want babies
I'm 32 years old, and while that still feels young to me, I'm at the age where most of my best friends in the US are married, and at least half of them have a child. But I noticed something interesting once I stopped dating for fun and started dating to find a partnership (which happened after six months of bouncing through different countries before settling in Austria): Relationships tend to move slower here, even among people in their 30s.
I also found that it's more common for European men to be uninterested in marriage or unsure whether they want to have kids. In turn, I learned it's good to be honest with yourself — and upfront with whomever you're dating — early on.
Heartache hurts more when you're abroad
As brave as I feel for spiriting away to another continent to pursue love and adventure, it sucks when your heart gets broken and the people you usually turn to are an ocean away. While I've made closer friends in Europe after two years living abroad, initially it was tough to have to process pain alone. (Thankfully, wine is much cheaper over here.)
Above all else, I learned how to say yes to love
I've said yes to dates during long layovers and to 30-minute dates over ice cream. I've said yes to a kiss in front of a palace and to a date that required a guy to drive across two countries. I've been told yes when I asked someone out at baggage claim. And perhaps most important, I've said yes to myself in the mirror whenever I wonder whether it's worth it to keep trying.
Dating in Europe is fun, exciting, and different, but in some ways it's also the same as anywhere else. Because, at the end of the day, whether I'm in Ljubljana or Amsterdam, I just want to find love instead of continuing to book my typical table for one.
Maybe it'll happen on the next plane, train, or, coffee shop I enter. But I'll never stop looking, even if I have to travel all over the world to find him.