Yasmin Benoit
- Aromanticism, a sexual identity where a person feels little to no romantic attraction to others, is misunderstood.
- People who are aromantic could also be asexual, but not all aromantics are asexual, and vice versa.
- Aromantic people can have successful relationships that go beyond societal standards of love.
- Visit Insider's homepage for more stories.
Yasmin Benoit never related to the butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling her fellow students talked about when they developed crushes.
The idea that someone could become enamored with a near-stranger or, worse, a fictional "Twilight" character, seemed strange, Benoit told Insider.
"I just thought it all seemed very silly. You'd have girls arguing with each other over some very mediocre boy. It seemed to really dominate people's thoughts and people's lives, and I just didn't care in the slightest," said Benoit.
Benoit is a UK-based model and activist who focuses on visibility for asexual and aromantic people – two of the most misunderstood sexualities.
Benoit is asexual, meaning she experiences little to no sexual attraction to others, and also aromantic, meaning she experiences little to no romantic attraction to others.
There's more than one way to be aromantic
Little data exists on aromantic people, so it's unclear how many people identify with the sexuality.
Like other sexualities, aromantic people fall on a spectrum.
For example, one aromantic person may feel no romantic connection whatsoever, while another may feel small amounts of romance in their relationships, according to the Aces and Aros website. (Often, asexual people are called "aces" for short, and aromantic people are called "aros.")
There are aromantic folks who label themselves as "demiromantic" because they only feel romantic attraction to a person they have a strong emotional connection with. Others call themselves "grayromantic" because they feel romance sometimes.
It's also possible to be aromantic and asexual, like Benoit, or identify with just one.
Being aromantic can be confusing in a love-obsessed culture
According to Benoit, coming into her aromantic identity as a 15-year-old was confusing due to societal messaging.
It wasn't until her peers questioned her lack of interest in finding love that she did a Google search and learned more about aromantic and asexual people.
Indeed, aromantic people don't relate to societal relationship standards, according to the Aces and Aros website.
Book, television, and movie plots often center around a main character finding romantic love, characterized by first-date jitters, longing for affection from a love interest, and pining over their best qualities.
But aromantic people don't have the same experiences.
That's why Jenny Kschadow, a 28-year-old in Germany, Googled "can't fall in love." After Kschadow's seemingly perfect boyfriend professed his love, she realized she couldn't reciprocate the sentiment and it was a pattern in all of her romantic connections, Women's Health reported.
After learning more about aromanticism, Kschadow realized she wasn't broken, but that she had a misunderstood sexuality.
Aromantic people can have fulfilling relationships
Aromantic folks can be great friends, family, and partners even though they don't experience romantic love.
In fact, they can feel other types of attraction, like the desire for a close friendship, an interest in something that looks pleasing to the eye, or sexual attraction.
What's more, aromantic people don't need to feel any attraction to uphold successful relationships because it's not a necessary element for human connection, Erica Mulder wrote for the Aces and Aros website.
Claire, an aromantic person Women's Health interviewed, said they have a queerplatonic partner who they lean on for emotional support. They don't have sex, but meet up regularly for family outings, church, and tea.
"I think there's a pervasive idea that people need romance for happiness," Claire, who only went by their first name, told Women's Health. "As an aromantic person, I have my friends, I have my found family, I have hobbies I enjoy, and I do work that I find very fulfilling. I just don't find fulfillment and joy from romance."