- Some women are earning higher incomes and becoming the primary breadwinners in their marriages.
- This shift is creating more stay-at-home husbands but can also cause jealousy and resentment.
- Communication is key for couples to navigate these changes and maintain relationship balance.
Women typically make less money than men in the workforce, but there are many professions where women earn more on average than their male counterparts. And as women's salaries increase, some become the breadwinners in their marriages and relationships.
This steady income growth for women can also create more stay-at-home dads and husbands, and the shift in responsibility can require some serious adjusting and getting used to.
Business Insider spoke with five women earning more than their husbands about the biggest obstacles they faced when they became breadwinners. For the most part, feelings of jealousy, resentment, and guilt formed, but ultimately the relationships grew stronger, and communication seemed to be the resolution.
Amy Porterfield is a breadwinner who retired her husband and was worried she'd resent him
"When I started my business, my husband was still a general contractor and contributed to the family finances while working to become a firefighter," Porterfield told BI.
Her husband eventually became a firefighter and earned up to $100,000. But within three years of launching her social media consultancy, Porterfield was earning $1 million in revenue and it became clear her husband didn't need to work.
When the opportunity to relocate from California to Tennessee came, it only made sense for Porterfield's husband to leave his job, even though he loved it. They decided he would retire from firefighting.
Porterfield said her husband was proud, celebrated her successes, and kept moving forward, but he expressed some concerns about not having a job that gave him purpose.
Meanwhile, Porterfield was afraid she'd resent her husband's free time, and eventually, she did.
Porterfield admitted that she occasionally became jealous of her husband's less stressful days when she felt overwhelmed with work. Still, the experience forced them to communicate more, which positively affected their marriage.
"Creating a life unlike most people's status quo forces you to communicate more, say the things you don't want to say but are necessary to grow, and show up in ways that stretch you."
Last year Porterfield's company earned $20 million in revenue, and she feels her family dynamic made her a better leader.
Karina Daves' income is four times larger than her husband's. Therapy helped him deal with it.
Once Karina landed her first tech job, the financial dynamics between her and her husband quickly shifted. "When we got married 11 years ago, Terrance made more money than me," she told BI. He was a master auto technician at Nissan, and Karina was a social worker.
Now, Karina is a regional manager of employee experience at a tech company, produces a podcast, owns a coaching business, and is a social media influencer. Her paystubs show that she makes four times more money than her husband.
To adjust to Karina's schedule and help out more with their two children, Terrance agreed to take a more flexible job at Princeton University and took a 50% pay cut. But he told his wife the transition was difficult and sought out therapy to help him make sense of it all.
Karina said that her husband's therapy sessions eventually helped him realize he was jealous of her and had started viewing her as an individual rather than a teammate. But through healthy communication they got back on the same page.
Katie Matthews' husband quit his job and made her the breadwinner, now they feel like they can breathe
In May, Matthews wrote about her experience as the breadwinner in her marriage for BI. She reported that her husband quit his job of 10 years at the end of 2023 after burning out.
"It was our sole source of income, but by the end, the money just wasn't adding up anymore," Matthews wrote. "So, six months ago, we did what many others dream of doing. We quit the job with no backup plan."
Matthews has stepped into the role of financial provider, earning money as a freelance writer while her husband is in charge of the housework and kid duties. Now that they've reversed roles, she says they're kinder to each other and better understand what the other person contributes. They also realize how much pressure they've put on themselves over the years, and she appreciates the support she now has to advance her career.
But this understanding doesn't stop Matthews from feeling resentful at times.
"Admittedly, I can feel resentful that I'm working while he isn't, especially when I've never had a clean break from work, not even when our babies were born."
Still, Matthews believes switching roles has expanded the couple's mutual empathy and made them a better team.
Andrea Mac loves being the breadwinner but feels like the second-choice parent
After Mac gave birth to her third child, her husband decided to leave his electrical engineering job and became a full-time stay-at-home dad. He takes care of 90% of their home life, while Mac earns 100% of the income.
This arrangement works for their family of six, but it doesn't come without some sacrifices that traditional moms don't typically face — especially when Mac has to take long work trips.
"For days and weeks at a time, my husband was effectively a single parent," Mac told BI. "It wasn't easy when I finally returned home."
Sacrificing parenting moments to be a provider has turned Mac into what she calls the "second-choice parent." It's also led to her questioning if she's just a paycheck sometimes, but she loves her work. Her company made just under $550,000 last year.
Mac considers herself and her husband incredibly hardworking and committed to providing for their family's needs. They believe in shared decision-making and an equitable division of responsibilities, which keeps their marriage balanced.
Betsy Grunch is a surgeon, and her husband is a stay-at-home dad
Work-life balance has been difficult for Betsy, an active mom and neurosurgeon with an unpredictable work schedule. Fortunately, she's able to split childcare responsibilities with her husband, Ray, a stay-at-home dad and private investigator.
"Even before I got pregnant, my husband wasn't working that much and did a lot of the chores at home, so we knew he'd mostly be the one to stay home with the kids," Betsy told BI.
But this arrangement doesn't come without the guilt of missing out on family moments. Betsy said her son and daughter, who are 9 and 6 respectively, understand that she has to work. At the same time, Betsy notices her kids can get jealous when she has to step away to focus on work tasks.
Betsy said she's learning to ask for help juggling both worlds. She's even hired extra staff at her job and extra help managing household chores. This allows her to be more present when she's with her family
"Outsourcing certain responsibilities has been life-changing and helpful. I can spend a lot more time with my kids now."
If you're a wife earning more than your husband and want to share your story, please contact Manseen Logan at [email protected].
